Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize