The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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