I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
