I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
