I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
