I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I came so hard my ears popped.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
