she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
