do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
