I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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