Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
