I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
