Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
