But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My life is pants optional.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
