Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
