Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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