just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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