The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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