The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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