I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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