Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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