I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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