You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
