he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
