He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize