Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
