i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
