My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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