i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
