life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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