you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
