I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
