This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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