Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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