10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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