why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
