I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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