dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
