My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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