Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
