i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
