god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
