Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
