ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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