I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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