I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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