i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
