My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
