my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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