I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
