and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
