After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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