so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
