hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize