There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
