No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
