my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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