hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
