Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
