we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
