I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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