bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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