I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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