hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
