before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
