That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Vodka?
Forever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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