he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think i got beer on your cat.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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