i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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