I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
